May 29, 2013

You trusted my hands,
Knowing their width, their strength,
But my heart, you should have looked at my heart,
Cramped and full.

(sas)

May 28, 2013

Without you,
No weight remains,
No words left in these writer’s hands.

(sas)

May 27, 2013

Go softly, gently though this battered life,
Love, shed your excess weight,
Watch as all your carried turns to dust, floats away on a spring breeze,
Look in the mirror and know your face,
Find peace.

(sas)

May 26, 2013

Love: a heavy word,
A desire I could never hold,
An aching longing I could never leave.

(sas)

May 25, 2013

In secret spaces between my words and drifting thoughts,
You belonged to me,
As one human can almost belong to another,
Though a separation existed between your body,
And mine,
As all bodies remain, separately,
Apart.

(sas)

May 24, 2013

Perhaps in this life I’ve led,
I’ve held far more than I’ve needed,
Packed tight,
When others had learned to shed weight,
I looked towards a past that had left me bruised,
A naïve girl with a crowded memory,
All those who had left,
I carried in my bones, unwilling to forget where I’ve been,
And as the years rolled by, memories crowded this body,
Until little by little, traces of time disappeared,
Bone whittled away,
Longing heart, freed.

(sas)

Been on the East Coast, then Air Force graduation…

Soon. I promise.

May 23, 2013 

I wait for the day when you finally see me bare with all my flaws,
Realize I’m not this glowing, golden girl,
Fall for someone else and their image, and I’ll be left
Wrestling with the worst of me,
Trying to accept these flaws as delicious pieces of a hollow whole.

(sas)

May 22, 2013

I wonder what you do when you’re alone—
In private:
Do you touch yourself to my image,
The thought of my body and yours,
Salty skin, slick with sweat,
My tongue on you, there?
Smack of flesh,
My hands, what they would do to you,
Moans deep in my throat,
My lips at your hips, collarbone, and below,
Nails biting your back,
Do you do as do,
Wrapped in the night,
Under cover,
Head thrown back,
Do you do as I do to the thought of you?
Fingers, quick, so long and deep,
Deep, how can one word slice through my bones?
I’ll carry this secret in my hands,
In the dark, it’s your body I know.

(sas)

May 21, 2013

I.
The world spread before me,
Threads of you at my fingertips—

II.
I’ve lived far too many days without you,
Let this body grow untamed, wild flesh for wide hands to hold— 

III.
A love letter to the pain,
A chart of the years.

(sas)

May 20, 2013

The awkward stumbling, the thick air, the will, the won’t,
I swear I can feel every moment of every muscle, you’re tense,
I’ve told you I love imperfections, love the human in you,
The way your spine juts out at your lower back,
The scar under your nose, close to your lips,
When you smile, your left eye is smaller, your bent pinky,
The tiny gap between your two bottom teeth,
And the air’s thick, you know that smell, I know you do,
Slice through,
Read these bare words, imagine they’re for you.

(sas)

May 19, 2013

And I say it was for you, but that meager, dependent existence wore my bones,
A pressure to be, to be this—
Always in my heart,
And maybe it was for me,
For me.

(sas)

May 18, 2013 

I’ve tried to work your hands and their touch from my body,
For years, I’ve tried, only to look at my skin and see the past,
Feel you in your absence and the spaces you do not fill.

(sas)

May 17, 2013

When someone asks about my past, I tell them you and I fooled around,
But it’s like as soon as the words flee from my mouth, I regret their meaning,
How they’ll be interpreted,
For what a way to cheapen us, those nights in your room, talking,
The trust we built only after years and nails on walls, hands on hearts.

(sas)

May 16, 2013

All I wished to say aloud,
Remaining silent, stored in a heart so full of words.

(sas)